A SPECIAL RECIPE IS AT THE END OF THIS COLUMN!
It’s that time of the summer when I don’t know what to do with all of the zucchini growing in my garden. We cannot eat it as fast as it grows. It seems like the two innocent plants I bought at a local greenhouse and planted in my yard went from zero to zucchini overnight. And it’s not only that these plants are prolific.
If you turn away for a second, the normal-sized zucchini that was on the plant a moment earlier grows to gargantuan size. Now what am I to do with it? I’ve given zucchini to the mailman, the dentist, and every person that walks past my house. The other day I chased down a jogger just to provide one that he could use to ward off stray dogs.
My family has endured every culinary variation of zucchini. I have made zucchini mousse, zucchini gelatin, and zucchini cupcakes (that didn’t go over well with the 6-year olds at the party).I invented the zucchini split, complete with three scoops of ice cream, whipped cream, and a cherry tomato on top).
I do make one recipe that they like. I bake a combination of banana bread and zucchini bread. I call it “Bikini Bread.” If you’d like the recipe, you may find it on my website, www.LynnRebuck.com or email me for a copy at LynnRebuck@gmail.com.
I’ve even tried paying my debts with zucchini. The other day I handed the clerk a large zucchini to pay for my groceries. She handed me some patty pan squash for change.
If you’re also affected by the abundance of zucchini in your garden, here are some suggestions for what to do with all of it:
• Throw a zucchini skin care party, complete with squash facials and a slice of zucchini over each eye to remove puffiness (zucchini is the new cucumber).
• Forget about T-ball and sign your kid up for the latest zucchini-inspired little league craze, Z-ball. One child hit a three-run homer with a homegrown 30-inch zucchini.
• Weave some strings through a couple of the broader ones, get a small ball, and play squash.
• To deter automobile theft, place a large zucchini across your steering wheel. Tell your friends it is the new green version of the “The Club,” then give them one for their car.
• Make new friends who don’t have a garden. Give them a zucchini gift basket.
If all else fails, you can do with your zucchini collection what someone did a few years back with their garbage during a New York City strike. Unable to get rid of it, they took it, wrapped it as a gift, and left it in their car. Someone stole it overnight.
Remember my new motto: “Speak softly, and carry a big zucchini.”
Lynn Rebuck is an award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and photojournalist. She is currently writing an all-zucchini cookbook. Visit her website, www.LynnRebuck.com for more of her humor, blog posts, and videos, fan her on Facebook, and follow her on Twitter. © 2010 Lynn Rebuck
Lynn Rebuck’s Bikini Bread Recipe © 2010 Lynn Rebuck
Ingredients:
3 eggs
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 cups grated zucchini
2 bananas, mashed
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
Directions:
1. Put on some great music, your favorite swimsuit (we are making bikini bread, after all), and sunscreen. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C for you metric fans). Dig around in your cabinets until you find two 8 x 4 inch loaf pans. Celebrate when you find them. Grease them and try not to lose them.
2. In a large white bowl (it must be white), beat the eggs (minus the shell, of course). Add oil, brown sugar, white sugar, grated zucchini, bananas, and vanilla; stir together until combined or until your arm hurts, whichever comes first. Stir in the flour, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Try to find the pans that you greased. Split the batter evenly between the two pans. Use a ruler to make sure they are equal.
3. Bake both loaves in the oven (they cook faster that way) until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 50 minutes. While they are cooking, go outside and sunbathe. When the oven timer awakens you, remove both pans from the oven. Cool them on a wire rack. Cool yourself with an icy drink. Enjoy! (c) 2010 Lynn Rebuck

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