A Very Gaga New Year

Monday, January 23rd, 2012

It’s no secret that over the past few months recording artist Lady Gaga has visited my tiny town in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, on at least two occasions.

Gaga is known for her outlandish outfits. She once wore a dress made of meat. How do you accessorize an outfit like that?  With shoes that are salt-and-pepper shakers? I don’t think that Claire’s carries tiny little meat cleaver earrings, but I could be wrong. I’m guessing that instead of Chanel No. 5, she puts a dab of A-1 behind each ear.

Right before Thanksgiving Lady Gaga was spotted at the meat counter in the local grocery store.  Apparently she was shopping for a new dress.

Gaga doesn’t have hand-me-downs, she has leftovers. 

Her closet must look like a smorgasbord.

Lady Gaga is also known for her excessively high heels. Her heels are so high she’s required to carry an escape ladder.

Her heels are so high that she needs clearance from the tower at airport just to go for a walk.

Recently, when the daughter of a friend complimented a woman on her chic shoes at the nearby mall, she was surprised to see that it was Gaga looking down from her stylish perch.

I caught a couple of minutes of Gaga’s Thanksgiving holiday special that aired on network TV. I almost didn’t recognize the singer because she was wearing such conservative attire.

And speaking of conservative, Gaga is dating Taylor Kinney, a graduate of Lancaster Mennonite High School.  The two met while filming one of her music videos. I can only wonder what the dinner table conversation was like on Thanksgiving in his family’s home with Gaga as a guest. I’m guessing that “We’ve seen all of your music videos and just love your work” isn’t a sentence that was uttered that night. 

Many in my town are having close encounters of the Gaga kind.  I ran into her on the street in front of a cafe when she was first spotted here back in September.  In November, she was in the grocery store when I was.  I think she’s stalking me.

As a columnist, I get asked a lot for advice. In particular, folks want to know how they should act if they run into the singer in town.  Since I am experienced, here’s what I tell them:

Should you encounter Gaga on the street, remain calm.  

Raise your arms above your head and try to appear bigger.

Make loud, grunting noises.  This may frighten her off, or you may get hired to appear in her next music video.

Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and part-time paparazzi. Her column appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs, where it’s one of the top blogs on life and parenting.  Email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com, follow her on Twitter and fan her on Facebook. © 2012 Lynn Rebuck

Tags: humor, Lady Gaga, Lancaster, Lancaster Mennonite High School, Pennsylvania, Taylor Kinney
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