Posts Tagged ‘humor’
« Older Entries |Casual Friday©2012 Lynn Rebuck
Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
I want to hug whoever invented casual Friday.
Somehow they knew that by the time the end of the workweek rolled around, all that I would have left in my closet was a pair of crumpled jeans and a green “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” tee shirt that saved me from getting serially pinched on St. Patrick’s Day.
I am now lobbying for the institution of Mismatch Monday, Too-Small Tuesday, and Wrinkled Wednesday. I am toying with the idea of Jersey Thursday.
When I was self-employed I didn’t have to worry about such trivial concerns as getting dressed for the day. When you wake up at 4 a.m. with ideas streaming into your head, your only concern is to quickly write them down and return to that dream involving Hugh Jackman, a Maserati, and a calorie-free Chocolate Mud Pie.
As a writer, my workweek wardrobe schedule consisted of Bathrobe Monday, PJ Tuesday, and What’s-in-the-Hamper Wednesday. This serves a practical purpose. If we writers stopped long enough to shower, dress, or to select matching clothing, our good ideas are gone as fast as fashions change.
Last fall the Lord led me to donate all of the clothes in my closet to charity before I left on a trip. While initially this seemed a little strange, and would certainly simplify my packing, the Lord led me to understand that this was clearly desired by Him. When I questioned why he was having me do this, His response was simple. “I’m giving you a new wardrobe for your new position.” At the time I didn’t have a new position, nor had I applied for a job. I was puzzled.
“Remember Joseph in the Bible?” the Spirit inquired.
“Yes,” I responded.
“Remember when he was taken out of prison to serve in Pharaoh’s household?”
“Yes,” I responded again.
“Do you think he wore the same clothes there that he did in prison?”
“No, of course he didn’t. Ah, I get it now. So I’m getting a new position, and a new wardrobe to go with it.”
I emptied out my closet and headed to the nearest donation bin. Those close to me questioned if I was going crazy or if it was a mid-life crisis in the making. That happens when God calls you to action. You see when God calls you, other people often don’t hear it.
I left for my travel out of state soon after that exchange with the Spirit. My small carryon was lighter this trip. I flew across the country with the clothes I wore, a few undergarments to keep the TSA agents entertained, and a jacket. I arrived to stay with a Christian family that I had never met. What I didn’t know is that the Lord had clothing waiting for me when at my destination. Apparently God is opposed to paying baggage fees. My hosts had a collection of blouses, pants, sweaters, and sweatshirts in my size on hand to give to me before I mentioned my need. They had gloves, boots, jackets, and hats. Everything I needed was already in the house. I learned that day to trust in the Lord’s prescient provision.
When I returned to Pennsylvania, I met a woman at a local home group who had just flown across the country with the clothes she wore, a couple of worn shirts and pants, some undergarments in her carryon to arrive in a town strange to her. Sound familiar? It was hardly a coincidence. A God-incidence, it seems.
She had arrived here to escape an abusive family situation. This courageous woman had accepted Christ just a few days after her arrival at the home of my friend, one week before I met her. Through obedience to what seemed like a strange directive from God, I had compassion for her. I knew what it felt like to arrive in a strange place with little clothing to your name.
Before I took that trip out of state, the Lord called me to start a ministry when I got there. Through donations that I received to the ministry during that trip, I was able to provide the woman with gift cards to allow her to select a brand new wardrobe to start her new life with Christ. When I saw her next, after her shopping expedition, she was radiant and beaming.
I learned that there is a flow to giving and receiving, whether it is clothing, money, possessions, or time. I gave away clothes and then I received clothes; I received a financial donation, I gave away the financial donation to another for clothing. Throughout this process, I experienced Love in a whole new way, through both the acts of giving and receiving. And so did this new believer.
“Don’t be like them, “Jesus said of those who prayed to be seen of men and whose concern was for themselves, their reputation, and their own possessions. “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him,” it says in Matthew 6: 8. Often, He knows that what we most need is to give something away so he calls us to release things.
So what is it that you’ve been holding on to that God is calling you to release into the life of another so that you can experience this powerful flow of Love and provision? What is it that He knows someone else needs? It may be something old, coveted, or new, but I guarantee that what you gain in the process of faithful giving is joy greater than the happiness any possession can bring. Remember, He knows everything you have need of, even on casual Friday.
Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and director of Lynn Rebuck Ministries. Her column appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs, where it’s one of the top humor blogs on life and parenting. Go to www.LynnRebuck.com for more information about Lynn, her ministry, and to read past columns. You’ll find her on Facebook and Twitter, and can email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com. © 2012 Lynn Rebuck.
Tags: casual Friday, charity, Christian, donate, fashion, funny, humor, ministry
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New Hire Paperwork ©2012 Lynn Rebuck
Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
I started my new job last week. I awoke early in the morning and allowed myself enough time to primp and put on makeup, because I knew that at some point during the day someone in Human Resources would want to snap a photo of me for my employee ID card.
Having a bad ID photo taken is something that’s difficult to live down, especially since you are forced to wear the photo around your neck every day until retirement. It is, I understand, a reason why some employees retire early.
I do not like this type of impromptu corporate photo shoot, where one is typically required to stand against a nondescript wall and smile, especially if the shoot takes place before noon when my eyes actually open for the day.
I’m very particular about my pictures. I had my driver’s license photo done at Glamour Shots. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in Pennsylvania whose license has a photo of them wearing a pink feather boa.
Not only did I have my photo taken on the first day of work, but I also had to elect benefits. Some of these options are new to me, and they might be new to you as well. Here’s my review of new employee benefits.
Flexible Spending Account- This account isn’t nearly as flexible as one might expect. They wouldn’t reimburse me for Botox, Girl Scout cookies for medicinal purposes (Thin Mints are highly effective antidepressants), or the therapeutic benefit of a Bon Jovi concert.
Retirement Plan-When they inquired as to my retirement plan, I turned in a list that said “travel, learn to crochet, and play bingo.” Apparently those were not the answers they were looking for.
Some companies offer a 401(k), some offer a 403(c), and I think the Sony Corporation offers a 1080(p), which is a hi-def retirement plan. Ok, I admit that I’m no Suze Orman. Since my company is willing to match funds that I contribute, it sounds like they are already anxious for me to retire.
Health, Vision, and Dental Insurance-Selecting a new doctor on a new insurance plan is always a stressful process. My new primary care physician is Dr. Mel Practice.
Under the plan, all diagnostic imaging is performed at TSA airport screening locations, including an annual mammogram.
The vision insurance covers a new monacle every year.
The dental coverage is limited to one visit with a dental hygienist annually and full coverage for flossing injuries.
Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and full-time employee whose column appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs, where it’s one of the top humor blogs on life and parenting. Email Lynn@LynnRebuck.com, read more humor on her website, www.LynnRebuck.com, follow her on Twitter and fan her on Facebook. © 2012 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: 401(k), 403(c), benefits, Career, dental, employee, Employment, flexible spending account, HR, human resources, humor, ID, insurance, Job, medical, retirement plan, vision
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Multiple Purse Analogies© 2012 Lynn Rebuck
Saturday, February 25th, 2012
The other day I was complimented on my purse. Not only was it admired for its bright turuoise color, but for its small size as well.
“How do you manage to get everything that you need into it?” the woman asked.
“It’s easy,” I replied. “I use a trash compactor.”
My tiny purse weighs twenty pounds. A fashion accessory should never be used as a free weight.
Anyone foolish enough to try to steal my handbag would likely wind up with a hernia.
One of the pros of speaking softly and carrying a heavy handbag is that I don’t need to scrapbook. If I want to reminisce, I just peruse my purse.
“Aw, look, son. Here is your report card from third grade.”
“Mom, I graduate from high school this year. Why are you still carrying that around?”
“You never know when you might need it.”
“I won’t need it. But do you have my SAT scores in there?”
That is exactly why I can’t throw anything out.
Such dedication to keeping my family organized has led to my Quasimodo shoulder. Physicians have identified a condition associated with this mobile hoarding and dubbed it the “Monty Hall Syndrome.” Let’s face it ladies, unless we’re going to be on Let’s Make a Deal, we need to dump our purses.
My purse is a veritable leather-bound scrapbook on-the-go. There are regrettable driver’s license photos, school portraits gone wrong, and pictures of haircuts I’d like to try from the 80’s that I’ve been toting around since that decade.
It is a collection of expired coupons, unredeemed Kohl’s cash, and appointment cards for missed veterinary appointments. I don’t have to buy costly scrapbooking embellishments or adhesives. It is a holder for lost buttons, fuzzy mints, and mysterious keys. My purse is filled with loose sticks of gum, some of them already chewed, and not chewed by me.
Men do not understand the significance of a woman’s purse. A purse is to a woman what a backpack is to a mountain climber. It is to a woman what a little black bag is to a physician. A purse is to a woman what a tool box is to a mechanic. Those are my multiple purse analogies.
When I see women in positions of power like Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and Oprah on TV I cannot help but wonder, “Who is holding their purse?” I have a tough time picturing Bill, Todd, or Stedman with a handbag hanging from one arm. Well, maybe I could see Bill sporting one.
Forget about trendy interview questions like “Who’s on your iPod?” or “Boxers or briefs?” What I want to know is “What’s in your purse?”
Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist whose work appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs where it’s one of the top humor blogs about life and parenting. Email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com with the strangest thing you have ever carried in your purse. Read more columns at www.LynnRebuck.com, follow her on Twitter, and fan her on Facebook. © 2012 Lynn Rebuck.
Tags: accessories, fashion, handbag, humor, purse
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A Very Gaga New Year
Monday, January 23rd, 2012
It’s no secret that over the past few months recording artist Lady Gaga has visited my tiny town in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, on at least two occasions.
Gaga is known for her outlandish outfits. She once wore a dress made of meat. How do you accessorize an outfit like that? With shoes that are salt-and-pepper shakers? I don’t think that Claire’s carries tiny little meat cleaver earrings, but I could be wrong. I’m guessing that instead of Chanel No. 5, she puts a dab of A-1 behind each ear.
Right before Thanksgiving Lady Gaga was spotted at the meat counter in the local grocery store. Apparently she was shopping for a new dress.
Gaga doesn’t have hand-me-downs, she has leftovers.
Her closet must look like a smorgasbord.
Lady Gaga is also known for her excessively high heels. Her heels are so high she’s required to carry an escape ladder.
Her heels are so high that she needs clearance from the tower at airport just to go for a walk.
Recently, when the daughter of a friend complimented a woman on her chic shoes at the nearby mall, she was surprised to see that it was Gaga looking down from her stylish perch.
I caught a couple of minutes of Gaga’s Thanksgiving holiday special that aired on network TV. I almost didn’t recognize the singer because she was wearing such conservative attire.
And speaking of conservative, Gaga is dating Taylor Kinney, a graduate of Lancaster Mennonite High School. The two met while filming one of her music videos. I can only wonder what the dinner table conversation was like on Thanksgiving in his family’s home with Gaga as a guest. I’m guessing that “We’ve seen all of your music videos and just love your work” isn’t a sentence that was uttered that night.
Many in my town are having close encounters of the Gaga kind. I ran into her on the street in front of a cafe when she was first spotted here back in September. In November, she was in the grocery store when I was. I think she’s stalking me.
As a columnist, I get asked a lot for advice. In particular, folks want to know how they should act if they run into the singer in town. Since I am experienced, here’s what I tell them:
Should you encounter Gaga on the street, remain calm.
Raise your arms above your head and try to appear bigger.
Make loud, grunting noises. This may frighten her off, or you may get hired to appear in her next music video.
Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and part-time paparazzi. Her column appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs, where it’s one of the top blogs on life and parenting. Email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com, follow her on Twitter and fan her on Facebook. © 2012 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: humor, Lady Gaga, Lancaster, Lancaster Mennonite High School, Pennsylvania, Taylor Kinney
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Hooked on Electronics©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Thursday, December 29th, 2011
Holiday shopping can be challenging, but shopping for a cell phone is nearly impossible. A recent trip to a Verizon store went something like this:
“Can I do face-to-face chat on this phone?” I asked the salesman.
“You can’t Skype. But you can Oovoo, Fring, or Tango.”
Of all the salesmen swarming like vultures in the store, I had to get Mork from Ork.
It was apparent we didn’t even speak the same language. Then it dawned on me: he must be speaking in tongues. I glanced around the store to see if someone had received an interpretation.
“I don’t think I’ve ever done any of those things, at least not in public,” I said.
He then explained that those were the names of different apps that one could use to communicate face-to-face via a smart phone.
I pondered whether I really wanted to chat bad enough to learn an entire new language. Maybe I could just call people and get together with them instead. I don’t have a good history with electronics. I once made a Speak ‘n’ Spell cry.
While I don’t mind all the technological advances, I do resent having to learn new electronics vocabulary words. Someone should develop a set of flashing flashcards to enhance the learning process or offer a video course called “Hooked on Electronics.”
When it comes to TV, I don’t know whether to Hulu or Roku. Maybe I should TiVo. I could record the Broncos game and TiVo Tim Tebow.
When I heard that Best Buy was having a big plasma event I went right down because I thought I could donate blood. I don’t know my 720p from a 1080i. Is there a tutorial on how to use an online tutorial?
I felt confident that I could master the electronic language, it would just take time. After all, I had learned to speak Pong, Atari, and Nintendo. I was now Bluetooth-ready.
“By the way,” the clerk said, “this cell phone has a built in translator. It recognizes over ninety languages.”
Those words were like MP3 downloads to my iBuds.
“Does it speak electronics?” I asked, “Because I have more shopping to do. I’d like to become buy-lingual by lunchtime.”
“Well…”
“Will it translate what a teen is saying in unintelligible grunts that sound like a tribal tongue?”
“I’m not sure…”
“Is it fluent in Repairmanese? I have a guy scheduled to look at my dishwasher tomorrow.”
“Really, lady, I don’t know…”
“I tell you what,” I said, “if you throw in a Zweet, Wheeme, and a Zwark, we have a deal, Mork.”
“Ma’am, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“It’s time to sync up your lingo, sonny,” I said. “I’m sure there’s an app for that.”
Lynn Rebuck is an award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and comedian. Read more at www.LynnRebuck.com and email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com. Her column appears weekly in the print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs. In her spare time she enjoys reading instruction manuals for electronics devices. © 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: app, cell phone, chat, Fring, funny, humor, Oovoo, Skype, smart phone, Tango, translate, Verizon
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The Twelve Days of Christmas Assembly©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Saturday, December 24th, 2011
The Twelve Days of Christmas Assembly
On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me
There are some presents that need assembly.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
2 end caps
And instructions in Chinese
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
3 wrenches
2 end caps
and said this will be easy
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
Insert part A into part B
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
And an extended warranty
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
6 bolts a-tightening
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
And there’s a part that is missing
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
7 screws a-turning
6 bolts a-tightening
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
This is a catastrophe!
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
8 tabs inserting
7 screws a-turning
6 bolts a-tightening
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
Why didn’t we pay for assembly?
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
9 parts attaching
8 tabs inserting
7 screws a-turning
6 bolts a-tightening
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
That’s not how it looked on TV
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
10 nails a-tapping
9 parts attaching
8 tabs inserting
7 screws a-turning
6 bolts a-tightening
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
What am I supposed to do with these?
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
11 fasteners fastening
10 nails a-tapping
9 parts attaching
8 tabs inserting
7 screws a-turning
6 bolts a-tightening
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
And the part that was missing
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
12 decals attaching
11 fasteners fastening
10 nails a-tapping
9 sides attaching
8 tabs inserting
7 screws a-turning
6 bolts a-tightening
5 wooden dowels
4 short screws
3 wrenches
2 end caps
Please read instructions before assembly!
© 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: 12 Days of Christmas, assembly, Christmas, humor, parenting, Parody, Song, toys
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The Right to Assemble
Friday, December 23rd, 2011
Assembling toys is the nightmare before Christmas. Where’s an elf when you really need one? I am surrounded by parts, pieces, and instructions in several languages. I could care less about a jolly old guy in a red suit coming down the chimney. I’d like to have a handyman in overalls who speaks fluent instructionese show up at my door.
What’s so hard about turning a few pieces into a finished product? Well, let’s just say the cam bolts aren’t cooperating, the pre-drilled holes were not pre-drilled, and the instructions were translated into English by someone in a foreign country who has a sense of humor and a sadistic side. At times like this I do not enjoy my Constitutional right to assemble.
I got halfway through the project when I realized two of the parts were on backwards. This is not a good thing, especially if you are putting together a bike. This kind of creativity can get you in trouble on Christmas morning. So I not only enjoyed the experience of assembling the gift, but disassembling and reassembling it as well.
It has become my Christmas tradition in this column to parody a well-known Christmas song as my gift to you, my devoted readers. This year I put together some lyrics for you to sing as you attempt to assemble items over the next few days. See my next post for the lyrics and sing along! Merry Christmas!
Lynn Rebuck is an award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and holiday lyricist. Her column appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs. Email Lynn your favorite funny assembly story at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com. (c) 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: 12 Days of Christmas, assembly, Christmas, fun, holiday, humor, parents, Parody, Seasons, toy
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Beck the Halls©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
I like Christmas music, but starting in early November it’s omnipresent: it’s in every store, in every elevator, and on every station, including talk radio (I fully expected Glenn to release a “Beck the Halls” Christmas CD).
As I searched the mall for an omnipresent (that’s the one gift that I could purchase in bulk for everyone) recently, I heard blaring from the speaker systems of three different stores an unintended medley of clashing carols: “Silent Rudolph the Red-Nosed Manger.” It was more than my fried-by-“Feliz Navidad” brain could handle.
I sought sanctuary in a nearby synagogue to escape the cacophony of carols. I hummed “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” to soothe and center myself. I don’t mind the holiday music, but it is so pervasive that it is affecting my every thought and intruding into all of my family’s conversations.
The other night I could have sworn that my daughter approached me and told me of her plans to go out with her adolescent friends by saying the phrase “We three teens of orient are….” Maybe I’m just hearing things.
“Do you hear what I hear?” inquired one of my children the night before Christmas.
“Is it the little drummer boy?” I asked.
“No,” he said.
“You know,” I said, “I heard the bells on Christmas Day.”
“That’s nice, Mom.”
“Their old familiar carols play,” I continued, making conversation.
“Mom, you’d better lay off the eggnog.”
“Can I have a friend over?” my son continued, standing next to a kid I hadn’t noticed before.
“What child is this?”
“Chris.”
“Which one is he? The Drummer’s little boy?”
“Funny, Mom. He’s the Taylor’s kid.”
“Joy to the world,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Is that a yes?”
“What’s that smell?” interrupted another child.
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,” I mumbled. “Or it could be dinner.”
“Mom, can I go on a date with Paul?” asked my eldest.
“The little drummer boy?”
“He’s a percussionist in a rock band, Mom. And so what if he’s short, I just won’t wear heels.”
“When will you be back?”
“I’ll be home for Christmas,” she said.
I nodded and reached for more nog.
As she walked out the door, she called over her shoulder “You can count on me.”
“Did the box from Amazon arrive?” asked my son.
“Yes, it came upon a midnight clear.”
“I didn’t know UPS delivered that late.”
“’Tis the season, you know.”
You know, the three wise men were the first midnight madness shoppers, and they didn’t have any criss-crossing carols to contend with.
I am now in a 12 Steps of Christmas Recovery Program. Fa-la-la-la-la, la- la-la-Joy! © 2011 Lynn Rebuck. Follow Lynn on Twitter, fan her on Facebook, and email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com.
Tags: carols, Christmas, dreidel, Hanukkah, holiday, holidays, humor, Kids, Little Drummer boy, motherhood, music, parenting, Seasons, shopping, songs
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A Hard Day’s Night©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Monday, November 7th, 2011
When is the worst time to have insomnia? The night we switch from Daylight Savings Time. Yes, you guessed it. On the evening when we delight in the fact that we get an extra hour of sleep, I ended up instead with an extra hour of sleeplessness.
It was a hard day’s night.
Everyone experiences an occasional bout of insomnia. I just timed mine wrong and it coincided with the time change.
As I lay awake listening to others snore, I thought about sleep aids. I thought about waking the others to tell them about my insomnia. I wondered if I could list sleep deprivation as a hobby on Facebook.
Here are some of my favorite ways to fall asleep when I’m having trouble dozing off:
- Listen to Enya’s music. I’m not sure what it is about this woman, but she makes me sleepy. I wonder if her New Age household is full of a drowsy spouse and lethargic children. Her CDs should have an advisory label on them: “Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while listening to this music.” Dosage: Start with one track. If still not sleepy after thirty minutes, listen to another track. Prolonged exposure may cause listlessness.
- Watch C-SPAN. Nothing puts me to sleep faster than a hearty dose of televised hearings from the House floor. Listening to the steady drone of elected officials just lulls me to sleep. I’m pretty sure this is how most of the objectionable bills get passed by Congress. Just use caution that you don’t end up watching British Parliament by accident. Watching their energetic interaction with the Prime Minister on the question and answer sessions is the equivalent of drinking three cans of Red Bull.
- Make a list of all the things you need to get done the following day, then hire an assistant to do them.
Here are a couple of interesting sleep-related facts. Reading helps you fall asleep. Men fall asleep faster than women. In fact, statistics show that at least four out of five men fell asleep while reading this column.
The week following the switch from Daylight Savings is the most dangerous week of the year for pedestrians. More pedestrians are hit by motor vehicles during this week than any other. So as you drive and walk around town, please be careful.
I managed to make it through the time change on the heels of arriving in a new time zone. I am already on the appropriate sleep-wake schedule for Malaysia. Unfortunately I am in the middle of the United States.
I have discovered that when it comes to the switch from Daylight Savings, people react in one of three different ways. There are those who set their clocks back Saturday night before they go to sleep, there are those who forget about the time change entirely and arrive everywhere an hour early the following day, and there are those die-hard time change fans who, like me, insist on staying awake until 2 a.m. Sunday morning to usher in the new hour. It’s kind of like New Year’s Eve without all the confetti.
How certain am I that my body will eventually adjust to time change? Well, let’s just say I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.
Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and Christian counselor whose column appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle. She has six clocks and three watches, none of which are set to the correct time. Email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com, fan her on Facebook, and follow her on Twitter. © 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: C-SPAN, Clocks, Daylight Saving, Enya, fall back, funny, humor, humorists, insomnia, sleep, time change
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Fall Back, Spring for Words©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Thursday, October 27th, 2011
Some people adjust quickly to the switch to Daylight Saving Time. It usually takes me six months . My body resists the sudden shift. The name even confuses me. How does daylight save time? Is it time for us to contribute to our savings? In other countries, they simply call it “Summer Time.” Go figure.
While most people are aware that the whole concept that daylight could be saved was invented by that irrepressible inventor, Benjamin Franklin, many are unaware that he conceived of the idea after pulling a candle-lit almost-all-nighter in France.
Mr. “a penny saved is a penny earned” Franklin finally crashed at 3 or 4 a.m. after being totally amazed by a new invention being demonstrated on QVC called the “oil lamp”. At 6 a.m. he was so startled by the sunlight streaming into his room that he reasoned, in the midst of his sleep deprivation, that a drop of wax saved is a drop of waxed earned.
Interestingly enough (or not, you decide), Franklin first proposed his radical idea in a letter to the editor. He reasoned that tons of wax and livre (which is books, money, or chopped liver according to my very vague French dictionary) could be saved if the Laissez-faire French would stop sleeping until noon.
He humorously suggested that a cannon be set off on the streets each morning to jolt people to wakefulness. Not a bad idea, especially for today’s hard-to-wake teens. He also suggested a financial penalty for homeowners whose residences had shutters to keep the sunlight out. Today that would be the equivalent of a Levelor levy.
But the time-change concept didn’t go straight from Franklin’s quill to instantaneous world-wide acceptance. People were amused but resistant. In 1907, William Willet, an English builder and the first one with a “Save the Daylight” bumper sticker, proposed the time change but with a more humane transition than the sudden one-hour shift: on each of four consecutive Sundays in April, at 2 a.m., set the clock forward a mere twenty minutes and back in like fashion in the fall.
He was ahead of his time. About twenty minutes ahead. The idea was mocked, dismissed, and eventually passed by legislators. Those time lobbyists were very persuasive.
People used to rely on local time from a town clock like we rely today on the time from our infallible computer screens (mine is still set on Pacific Time).
In the United States the entity that actually drove hardest for the standardization of time was the transportation industry. That was so that in the future airline passengers would eventually know just how late their flights were. To get from one location to another back then often required stopping at more locations with different times than flying on Southwest does today.
Times have certainly changed since Franklin and Willet. We now efficiently light our homes in the evenings with energy-saving 40-inch HD screens tuned to QVC, where tonight they are demonstrating lava lamps. I’ll probably be awake until 3 or 4 a.m.
Lynn Rebuck claims the deadline for this column was 2 p.m. Pacific Time. Email Lynn@LynnRebuck.com (c) 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: Benjamin Franklin, comedy, Daylight Saving Time, Daylight Savings Time, humor, QVC, Seasons, time change
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