Posts Tagged ‘Summer’
|Family-Friendly Vacations© 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Wednesday, August 10th, 2011
Planning a family vacation is no picnic.
I’ve spent hours searching for family-oriented beaches, family-friendly hotels, and family-friendly restaurants. Now all I need is the friendly family to go on the trip. Mine has been a little surly lately.
It may be the thought of leaving all the comforts of home that they constantly complain about to go on a sun-filled vacation of family togetherness that makes my kids all irritable, or it may be the fact that they need to pack a smaller version of their stuff to take along.
Since we do not own a Hummer stretch limousine, there are packing limitations. No longer will I mount a car-top carrier on the roof and leave a trail of clothing on the Interstate that we could follow home. I’m thinking of charging my kids each a $25 bag fee for suitcases.
I have tried to teach my kids how to pack a suitcase. I consulted family magazines, travel magazines, and websites galore in an effort to simplify the packing process. None of the tips, even from the travel experts, worked for us. So here is a list of packing and travel tips that I devised over the years. I hope they benefit you during your travel this summer.
Experts say that you should pack your suitcase and then remove half of the items. I suggest that you pack the kids into the car and then remove half of them from the car. The trip will be quieter and the car roomier.
Provide lots of games for children to play along the way, especially if you are traveling by plane. In the airport security line kids enjoying playing verbal games like “I See Something Metal,” and “Simon Says.” (Simon Says take off your shoes; Simon says hold your hands above your head; Simon says don’t make fun of mommy’s body scan.”)
Make frequent rest stops. It’s wise to find a suitable location for a break before you give your children any liquids. While Foudor’s has helpful guides to many countries and tourist attractions, they have yet to publish a parent’s guide to the best restrooms. What I’d like to see is a travel guide that features five-star ratings on washroom facilities.
Experts say that you should roll clothes before putting them in the suitcase to save space. I suggest folding your clothes into origami shapes. It makes the workday more interesting for TSA agents.
Allow room in your suitcase for souvenirs, like the gallon of aloe vera burn lotion, the plastic pitcher and booties from the ER visit, and the oversized stuffed animal that your child accidentally won at the theme park that cost you $200.
Remember, we’re making memories as we travel, and the places you visit will never be the same after you leave, so enjoy them and the time with your children. We have a family vacation tradition. No matter how many stars a hotel has when my family and I check in, it has one less when we leave.
Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist and speaker whose column appears weekly in the Record Express, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs. Email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com, read her blog at www.LynnRebuck.com, fan her on Facebook, and follow her on Twitter. © 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: affordable, airport security, auto, Children, family, Foudors, games, packing tips, plane, Summer, Travel, vacations
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Save the Beaches©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Thursday, August 4th, 2011
Each year tons of sand disappears from American beaches. I’m pretty sure my family is responsible for removing most of it. I don’t know about you, but I’m always surprised there is still sand on the beach when we leave.
If you ask me, this family-made erosion is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. The mid-Atlantic coastline is eroding at the rate of one-half meter per year thanks to our kids not knowing how to shake out a beach towel. Am I the only one walking around with a “Save the Beaches” bumper sticker covering my bikini cellulite?
When we’re at the beach, we’re used to having sand everywhere—sand in your sandwich, sand in your sandals, sand in your thousand island dressing. Instead of topping your slice of Mack & Manco’s pizza with parmesan, you top it with the new cheese/sand blend, parmesand. It makes for a crunchy meal, but hey, it’s the shore after all. We just accept that it’s part of the vacation.
But you don’t want the beach to follow you home.
I knew we were in trouble when we stopped at the first rest area on the parkway. When my daughter opened the car door sand poured out of the backseat.
There was so much sand in the car I expected to see Brendan Fraser chasing mummies at any moment.
It turns out that we brought back enough sand to start our own beach.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the sand. And the beach without sand would just be a long wave pool. It wouldn’t be as fun. There’d be no sand castles, no place to bury siblings, and no place to search for buried treasure (I really did bury a chest for my kids to dig up one year, complete with treasure map).
When we got back home I found sand in things that never even got near the beach. How does this happen?
I donated a sand trap to the local golf course. I overfilled the litter box. And I still had sand left over. So I looked into other options.
I learned that there is a process that restores sand to eroded beaches called beach nourishment. According to the an online research database, in the year 2000, Ocean City, New Jersey placed 1,351,000 cubic yards of sand back onto beaches at significant expense to the Federal government. The price tag? $6,943,000.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? I know how I’m going to earn some extra money this summer. Maybe I’ll earn enough to buy a new swimsuit. One without sand in it, that is.
Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist and speaker whose column appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle Blogs. She is the proud owner of a collection of Ocean City beach tags. Read her blog at www.LynnRebuck.com her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com, fan her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter. © 2011 Lynn Rebuck.
Tags: Beach, beach nourishment, beach renourishment, erosion, family, fun, humor, Kids, ocean, Ocean City, sand, sand castles, Summer, Vacation
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Longest Day© 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011
As I write this column it is Monday, June 21. According to a post on Facebook, which I confirmed in the finest journalistic fashion by consulting Wikipedia, it is the longest day of the year.
I beg to differ. The longest day of the year is the day after school lets out for summer vacation. It is amazing how much boredom kids can condense into one 24-hour period.
Technically, June 21 is known as the summer solstice, the day when there is the longest amount of daylight. It is the opposite of the December 21 winter solstice, the day when my kids have the most lights turned on throughout the house.
The day after school let out last week was indeed a long one. 
I had used up all the ideas I clipped from parenting magazines and squirreled away for months in anticipation of that fateful day, and it was only 10:30 in the morning. The dog ate the homemade purple play dough, there was glitter everywhere (I am sure I am the first woman to pay bills with sparkly checks), and the kids were using the craft sticks as tongue depressors (one had the other sign a HIPPA form before he could play).
I am convinced that summer is the longest season of the year. Either that or it just seems long. I should have planned ahead. I could have arranged for summer camps, missions trips, or retreats. For me, that is.
Experts say summers are difficult because kids lose their routine. They say that kids need a routine, that it provides them with stability. Actually, I think it’s we parents that need the kids to have the routine. It provides us with sanity.
We need a set time when we don’t have six little eyes following our every move, time when we’re not playing a daylong game of involuntary hide-and-seek, and time when we can be free to go where we need without excuse, explanation, or 30 sticky fingers grabbing stuff in every aisle.
Summer is a time when mothers venture out into the heat in a universal search for sanity, seeking solace, connection, and a place for kids to cool off. Luckily, such sanity can be found locally at community pools, the air-conditioned comfort of a “multi-storied” local library, and a nearby kid-friendly park.
I’ve decided I can’t stay cooped up in the house with the kids all summer. One of us is going to lose our sanity, and I’m pretty sure which one of us it’ll be. If we don’t get out soon, my new routine may include braiding rugs or weaving baskets in a low-stress environment.
It’s time to venture out and explore new frontiers. To boldly go where generations before have gone. Besides, the kids have figured out all of my good hiding places.
Lynn Rebuck writes a nationally award-winning humor column that appears weekly in print and on Amazon Kindle. You’ll be able to spot her at the local pool—she’s the one covered in glitter. You can fan Lynn on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, or email her at her website, www.LynnRebuck.com © 2011 Lynn Rebuck
Tags: activities, Children, funny, humor, Kids, last day of school, motherhood, parenting, pool, solstice, Summer, swimming, Time
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The Bathing Suit Workout©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Wednesday, June 1st, 2011
Memorial Day weekend marks the official opening of the summer swimming season, as most public pools choose the holiday weekend to open each year.
It also marks the beginning of swimsuit season, or as I refer to it, stretch mark season. It’s the time of the year when I reveal to the world the lines crisscrossing my body like lines of latitude and longitude. I am in the prime meridian of my life.
I pulled last year’s suit out of my drawer to discover an interesting phenomenon: spandex shrinks in cold winter weather, making it more difficult to don the suit than it was the last time I wore it. I have learned that the word “Speedo” does not refer to how fast a woman can put on a swimsuit.
I have been known to take up to a month to get into my bathing suit. I usually start after all danger of frost has passed. If I’m lucky, I am ready by Memorial Day weekend. This year I knew I was in trouble when the suit got as far as my calf before cutting off circulation.
Rather than waste the entire summer trying to get my suit on, I decided to buy a new one. I headed to Costco, which doesn’t seem to have a fitting room, where I found a one-piece suit that had crossed straps in the back. This is apparently a design flaw.
From the time that I got it home and tried it on, I discovered I had entered into a wrestling match. Within moments it had me in a headlock, with one strap wrapped around my windpipe and the other strap pinning my arm behind my back. I had no idea the WWF was making swimwear.
With the straps randomly crisscrossing and the suit spontaneously turning inside out, it took on a life of its own. I searched to see if it had an “off” button or an instruction manual. There should have been a strip of plastic across the entire suit that read “For your safety and protection, do not attempt to wear this suit if you are not double-jointed.”
As I tried to squeeze my body into it, what I wanted was a swimwear shoehorn. As it turned out, I needed a running start and a trampoline to get into my suit. Putting on a swimsuit should not require a spotter.
I used to be critical of women who wore skimpy string bikinis. Now I recognize them for the geniuses that they are. It is so much simpler to tie a string around your cellulite than to try to squeeze it into a swatch of fabric that resists the idea from the start.
Besides, one-piece suits are not, shall we say, relief-friendly. Once they become wet, they are even harder to get back on than before. If there was ever an article of clothing that needed a drop flap, it is the one-piece swimsuit.
In the process of putting on my bathing suit I burned 1800 calories. Once I got it on, I didn’t even need to go swimming. I already had a workout. I had read that swimming gold medalist Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories per day. Now I understand why.
Lynn Rebuck writes an award-winning humor column that appears weekly in print, online, and on Amazon Kindle. Email Lynn at www.LynnRebuck.com, and click to follow her on Facebook and Twitter. She’ll be struggling with her swimsuit in the restroom at the pool all summer. © 2010 Lynn Rebuck.
Tags: bathing suits, Costo, fashion, humor, pool, Seasons, Summer, swimming, Swimsuit, Women
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Take My Zucchini, Please!(c)2010 Lynn Rebuck
Thursday, August 12th, 2010
A SPECIAL RECIPE IS AT THE END OF THIS COLUMN!
It’s that time of the summer when I don’t know what to do with all of the zucchini growing in my garden. We cannot eat it as fast as it grows. It seems like the two innocent plants I bought at a local greenhouse and planted in my yard went from zero to zucchini overnight. And it’s not only that these plants are prolific.
If you turn away for a second, (more…)
Tags: Cooking, Culinary, funny, Garden, Gardening, humor, recipe, Summer, Vegetables, Zucchini
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The Bathing Suit Workout©2010 Lynn Rebuck
Wednesday, July 7th, 2010
Memorial Day weekend marks the official opening of the summer swimming season, as most public pools choose the holiday weekend to open each year.
It also marks the beginning of swimsuit season, or as I refer to it, stretch mark season. It’s the time of the year when I reveal to the world the lines crisscrossing my body like lines of latitude and longitude. I am in the prime meridian of my life.
I pulled last year’s suit out of my drawer to discover an interesting phenomenon: spandex shrinks in cold winter weather, making it more difficult to don the suit than it was the last time I wore it. I have learned that the word “Speedo” does not refer to how fast a woman can put on a swimsuit.
I have been known to (more…)
Tags: Bathing Suit, Bikini, exercise, funny, humor, Michael Phelps, Seasons, Stretch Marks, Summer, swimming, Swimsuit, Women's Humor
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“The Longest Day?”by Lynn Rebuck© 2010
Thursday, June 24th, 2010
As I write this column it is Monday, June 21. According to a post on Facebook, which I confirmed in the finest journalistic fashion by consulting Wikipedia, it is the longest day of the year.
I beg to differ. The longest day of the year is the day after school lets out for summer vacation. It is amazing how much boredom kids can condense into one 24-hour period.
Technically, June 21 is known as the summer solstice, the day when there is the longest amount of daylight. It is the opposite of the December 21 winter solstice, the day when my kids have the most lights turned on throughout the house.
The day after school let out last week was indeed a long one. (more…)
Tags: Children, coping, funny, humor, Kids, longest day, motherhood, parenting, parents, School, solstice, Summer, summer solstice, Summer vacation, Vacation, vacations
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In Search of the Holy Grill©2009 Lynn Rebuck
Friday, November 6th, 2009
The Memorial Day weekend traditionally kicks off the summer barbecue season, which means I now get to burn dinner outdoors, under the watchful eyes of the neighborhood wildlife, and the native animals.
Given the difficulties I have in grilling, it’s hard to believe that I am descended [...]
Tags: Barbecuing, Children, Cooking, holiday, parenting, Seasons, Summer, teens
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