Why Am I Antisocial Networking?

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

Lynn Rebuck
          

                Many people are upset by the recent changes to Facebook. Not me. No, I’m more upset by something else on Facebook.               

                Recently one of my friends on Facebook announced that the next individual to “friend” him would become his 500th friend on the popular Internet social networking site.  Since I am already his Facebook friend, I responded to his post by informing him I was going to defriend him.  He replied that the correct term is “unfriend.”  Whatever.  I’m antisocial networking.

                It is probably my competitive nature that caused me to threaten to virtually abandon him.  We’ve always known that some of our friends are more socially connected.  With Facebook, the popular people get to overtly brag about it, as the number of one’s friends is quantified for all of cyberspace to see.

                I just recently passed the milestone of having one hundred purported friends on the site.  Actually, most of them aren’t real people.  I created their profiles myself.  I have make-believe Facebook friends. It’s just easier that way. 

               You see, when I had real people as Facebook friends, I was overwhelmed with the volume of data that they were disseminating in my direction, from Farmville crops to Farkle scores.  Some shared far too much information.  I really don’t need to know which 1970s hairstyle my friends are most like. 

                Some of my three-dimensional friends have not become my virtual friends, since they are not yet on Facebook.  But so many people have created profiles on the website it is now the premier online destination for social connectedness.

                According to sales guru and author Jeffrey Gitomer, “Facebook is the third largest country in the world.”  When I joined the site, I had no plans of emigrating.  Perhaps the United Nations will give a seat to Facebook as long as it agrees not to friend China. I had no idea my password would become my passport to the online culture where you can instantaneously (and perhaps regrettably) share your impulsive likes, dislikes, rants, and faves with everyone within Facebook’s Boolean borders. 

                Like it or not, we must face the Facebook facts: the site is here to stay, as are other recent technological trends, like Twitter and text messaging.  We can choose to bury our heads in the sand (I’m sure there’s a Facebook app for that), or we can reluctantly take part in it.  It is our chance to be connected in a world that increasingly seems to lack true connection.  Think of it as the ultimate linguistic challenge as you attempt to condense thoughts into witty, insightful 140-character tweets.

                I attended a social function recently.  I was frantically tweeting the happenings as they happened.  My tablemates were tweeting that I was tweeting.  We didn’t speak a word to each other all night, but we did accidentally text each other.

                In addition to texting, cell phones have given rise to another phenomenon called “butt dialing.”  This occurs when a phone placed in a rear pocket decides to call someone with the help of your gluteus maximus muscle.  It calls the last person dialed.  I refer to it as “call backwarding.” 

                Let me offer some advice, one virtual friend to another.  Unless you want your Facebook friends to accidentally butt in on a cell phone conversation and overhear you talking about them, don’t keep your phone in your back pocket.  After all, you need all the virtual friends you can get.

Lynn Rebuck is a national award-winning humor columnist, speaker, and counselor whose column appears weekly in print, online at www.LynnRebuck.com and on Amazon Kindle Blogs.  Her goals are to have thousands of Facebook friends, high scores on Farkle, and to retire to Farmville.  You can friend her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, and email her at Lynn@LynnRebuck.com. © 2011 Lynn Rebuck

Tags: Cell Phones, Facebook, farkle, farmville, friending, friends, Social Networking, Twitter
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