Posts Tagged ‘Winter’
|Ice Scream, You Scream©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011
If I had known how much ice we were going to get this winter I would have invested in skates, a spandex outfit, and training from Scott Hamilton.
My goal after the first round of the slippery storm last week was to make it down my icy driveway without doing a triple Lutz. Not only did I manage to slide the garbage can to the curb but I executed a double toe loop and a triple sow-cow in the process. My unplanned performance was rated a 9.8 by the neighbors.
When I woke up the next morning following round two of freezing precipitation I couldn’t believe what I saw. There was so much ice I wanted to carpool with a Zamboni driver. Incidentally, I was wondering if the guy who drives the Zamboni for the Flyers hockey team still has to drive to work on days like that. Forget about a 200-mph Maserati; I would have settled in a heartbeat for a 2-mph overgrown snow cone machine for my morning commute.
Since when it rains hard it is said that it is “raining cats and dogs,” does that mean last week it was raining frozen “pupsicles?”
I was thinking about (more…)
Tags: dinosaurs, funny, Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz, Groundhog, Groundhog's Day, hockey, humor, ice, Ice Age, meteorologist, Punxsutawney Phil, Scott Hamilton, skating, sleet, Snow, Weather, weatherman, Winter, Zamboni
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It’s So Cold That…©2011 Lynn Rebuck
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
Most of you are familiar with brain freeze, the painful phenomenon that occurs from eating or drinking something cold. This rapid-onset headache is given the scientific name sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia, which ironically is the name of my son’s favorite rock band.
Last week I brought a handful of snowflakes in for my cat, Halo Kitty. It was essentially a flavorless snowcone (unless you consider that fluorocarbons are flavorful). She ate it too quickly and got brain freeze. She went around shaking her head just like people do leaving 7-11 with a Slurpee or a losing lottery ticket.
It is so cold that…
This winter I realized that whether we like something can be so situational, especially the weather. Here are some things I’ve noticed:
Ice is better floating in a drink than coating the car.
Snow is better on a ski slope than on a sloped driveway.
Salt is better around the rim of a glass than around my wheel rims.
I’d rather be eating salt than spreading it everywhere just so I can walk without accidentally doing a triple Lutz. I’ve been spreading so much salt lately I’m beginning to look like the girl on the label of the Morton Salt container (better I look like her than the girl on the Coppertone bottle).
It is so cold that…
This winter I experienced a (more…)
Tags: cold, freezing, funny, humor, ice, Snow, snowman, temperature, thermometer, Winter
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The 12 Layers of Christmas ©2010 Lynn Rebuck
Friday, December 24th, 2010
In light of the bitterly cold winter weather this year I have updated the classic holiday song “The Twelve Days of Christmas” with the wind chill factor in mind for this, my annual Christmas column.
The Twelve Layers of Christmas ©2010 Lynn Rebuck
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A Penn State fleece Snuggie.
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two pair of gloves,
and a Penn State fleece Snuggie.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three Steelers (Eagles) hats,
Two pair of gloves,
and a Penn State fleece Snuggie.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four flannel shirts,
Three team hats,
Two pair of gloves,
and a Penn State fleece Snuggie.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me (more…)
Tags: Christmas, clothing, fleece, freezing, funny, holiday, humor, polartec, pop culture, Song, Weather, Winter
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Keep on Pluckin’ © 2010 Lynn Rebuck
Friday, December 17th, 2010
I have been molting all winter.
For months now people have been treating me like a Perdue chicken by plucking feathers off of me wherever I go. It’s the fault of my leaky down-filled coat. I don my down in mid-September, and remove it in early June. This winter, though, the down is trying to make an early escape.
Apparently there is a technique to prevent the sneaky feathers from abandoning the coat. My friends told me to put the coat in the dryer with three tennis balls. They never told me to first take the balls out of the can.
The feathers have caused me some embarrassment. Like when I spoke before a group of Christian writers. Afterward I learned that a large feather had been protruding from a prominent place on my chest the entire time. I had checked my hair and lipstick in the mirror prior to speaking; I had failed to thoroughly preen myself.
At church on Sunday I removed my coat only to find I had spontaneously sprouted wings. I was quickly recruited to portray an angel in the next dramatic presentation.
In the Bible it is promised in Isaiah 40 that, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles.” I just never expected it to happen so suddenly.
Monday I went grocery shopping. I took off my coat and placed it in the cart only to discover that (more…)
Tags: clothing, cold, down, feathers, freezing, funny, humor, satire, Seasons, Snow, snowstorm, Weather, Winter, winter weather
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The Column Before the Storm ©2010 Lynn Rebuck
Thursday, February 11th, 2010
Arthur Secard is not a household name, but he should be.
We owe this man, this son of a dairy farmer, a debt of gratitude, especially after the week we have all been through. (more…)
Tags: Al Gore, Blizzard, Global Warming, history, inventors, Seasons, Snow, Snowblower, Snowmageddon, Storm, Weather, Winter
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